Dies In Diem (2021)

There are things that you want to forget, yet you strive to remember and are dwelling in the memory of them.
If you forget them you wouldn’t remember how much you want to remember them.
If you remember them, you cannot escape the shadow of the desire to forget them.
Sometimes they wouldn’t let you forget them and would repeat themselves till they inhabit you for ever.
Sometimes you do not give up and obstinately would repeat them and then forget or turn blind eye on them.
21/22-10-2019
In the middle of the night
they found me on the ground.
Then my closest ones laid down next to me.
Three souls - three humans.
With the first one we are in constant electric shock yet inseparable. Always next to me, one cannot get rid even if one wants.
I wanted to spend more time with the second one since I was a kid and here we are finally - together in the same room. Alas I do not remember anything from the first week after they found me. I know who was there because they told me later on. It is a paradox, you get what you want for very long, yet you do not remember it. It does not exist really - it is a fiction.

The third one wanted to embrace me and hold me, but everybody else was very concern of how the staff would react, that it would be far too much and can affect things in a bad way, and we never let it happen.
Sometimes you turn your back on the best of things. You want something so much and when it happens you wouldn’t let yourself in it.
A year fall off in 365 days, then drag another
that fall, half way, off day by day since then.
Some days wont easily fall off and would split in fragments.
Parts.
Hours.
Minutes.
Seconds.
Particles.
Others wouldn't bother and gather in to weeks or even months.
Various facets of time.
But is there time? Is there anything that happens away from now? Ever?
Past and future are fictions that we can be fixated on only now.
A point of no return.
A one-dimension.
Vacuum.